You may remember Jonny from one of my previous posts, how I never got over him despite how badly he would treat me. Before I went away to Ireland I was completely 100% crazy about him, I was doing everything to make him properly notice me, everything I wore, every action and move I made was to please him. Not good. For the first time ever I admitted it to one of my best friends Ria how I truly felt about him. How I was really in love with him and how I'd do anything to get him back.
Whilst I was away, apparently the two of them got together whilst I was away. I found out through a passing comment at a friends house about them breaking up as a couple. My head was spinning when I first heard, my heart was throbbing heavily. All my thoughts were racing through my head, all my thoughts about how I felt about him, how she was the only one I confided in about anything and everything. I felt betrayed, almost heartbroken, as if I was about to cry, then I realised I didn't care. At all. All my thoughts just calmed down and stopped and it came to a halt, he was never my boyfriend he didn't care for me enough to make me his, but he clearly did care enough for her. What right did I have to be upset, he never ever loved me or cared for me. I was fine with all this however, I spent the entire next day with Ria, nervous whether she'd bring him up. After all me and Jonny were on and off for over 6 months, should my friends really get with boys I had been sleeping with and had feelings for? But she never mentioned anything at all. So I never mentioned anything and put it away to the back of my mind, forgetting everything about him, hoping I would never see him before I go to uni next week. However, I have to see him tomorrow, at a leaving party. HELP!
However, whilst discussing the situation with another close friend Hattie she was confused as to why I wasn't horribly upset about everything, saying that I do have the right to be upset and confused.
So my questions to you are:
- Would you be upset if this happened to you?
- Do I have the right to be annoyed despite the fact he was never my boyfriend?
- How would you deal with seeing the boy again?
I'm afraid I'm not the best person to give relationship advice, since I barely have experience in this field, but I'll give it a try. Yes, a lot of people I know including myself would go crazy over this, plus we don't feel strongly only about people we are officially dating, and you had stuff going on all in all, so I'd say it's pretty natural to feel a big deal of anger in this case. but from what you said, it seems to me like you have started to get over this before you even know it, which is great. and though it's not exactly appropriate behavior, it's hard to blame the friend and the boy for what they did. I wish she was more careful about the consequences of her actions on you, it might hurt your friendship, but unfortunately this is how it is, you have to think of your happiness first, and this is what they did. on the way your heart breaks, and you break a few hearts too, this is how it is. I'd say you shouldn't make a big issue out of it, at least publicly.
ReplyDeletewhen you're at that party, just look great and pretend you don't care. your acting angry/nervous will give him a great deal of ego boost.
I really like your blog and it's admirable how you put down everything so openly & honestly, I gotta go to bed now but I'll comment on a couple other posts aswell, I hope I can present a different point of view to you, which might help.
I'm new to reading the blog, so I don't know too much about him except what you posted here.
ReplyDeleteI would say I would be upset about it & whether you have a right to be annoyed or not, it's okay that you are.
That said, how I would deal with seeing the boy is just not care about the fact that I had to see him. I wouldn't go out of my way to speak to him. I'd act as if I'd risen above the whole situation and oblivious that it even happened. & If it were me I just wouldn't give him the time of day. But that's just how I am.
I'm not one for putting up with/caring for people who don't care for me in turn. Why waste my energy?
♥
I think your friend betrayed you! I say you dump her. She might do it again to you! She should of asked you first. Yes! You should be mad! And for the guy he is not worth it. : )
ReplyDeletesomething similar-is happened to me, i had a crush on a boy and i told a friend about about it, and then she said, oh we should try set up something so that you guys get to hang out (and to her credit she did) but then i asked him out to another friends party, and then boy and my friend spent the entire night talking, then she started seeing him.(and she has not said a word to me about any of it, instinctively i knew something was up and asked her and she denied it)
ReplyDeleteshe was also my house mate and studio mate at the time.
which is all fine i get that you can't help who you are attracted to and if you have a connection with someone, its more about our friendship, and if she valued it she would have had the courage to tell me that she was interested in him. and they have been dating for months now, and she still hasn;t said anything. so basically i've taken it to mean that she is not the type of friend that i want in my life, and that friends should be able to talk to each other openly about anything.
so i think if you want to be friends with the boy then clear the slate and start afresh, if not then its just water under the bridge... and you know who and what he is about and if you meet someone down the line and you think about this boy...then he maybe the same type of person and you know to stay away?
you have to decide whats is important to you in this situation. i think its trying to teach you that...so next time round you know better what you want and what you'll accept from friends and boyfriends.
oh thanks for following my blog!
x
Hello, you have a very lovely unique blog that I am officially hooked on. My opinion:
ReplyDelete1/ Yes I would be upset because she was your friend & the only one who really knew how you felt about him. There's no way you could not feel upset.
2/ Not really no. You say he didn't care enough about you to make you his girlfriend but neither did you. If something happened between him & your friend, it was organic. She would've said something to you before if not, & therefore it makes it more legitimate if they have decided to be official, because neither of them set out to hurt you & they couldn't help themselves.
3/ It's always awkward seeing someone you've slept with when you haven't in a while. I'd keep it casual, maybe ask about him being with your friend if it comes up, because after all, she is (I assume) one of your closest friends. For me it helps to say "I know this is awkward..." because then you can just laugh about it!
Hope that helps at least a tiny little bit.
Jess